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” Why do they come up with phony excuses to contact you, in order to attack your weak spots (which of course he or she has studied and known for some time) such as guilt, or defending yourself with justifications against bogus claims, and why does this person text or say things by email that are guaranteed to get your head spinning trying to work out “What on earth did that mean?

” Why narcissists keep acting out the same behaviour – the cycles of “I want you,” and then repeatedly devalue and discard you?

With comments such as “She is so wonderful, and it means so much to me to have your blessing with her.” What is this all about?

Clearly mature, decent adults And why do narcissists after months or years – even if you don’t respond in any shape or form – still “throw a line” to “test the waters” to see if you’ll “take the bait?

It is very usual in the relationship with a narcissist to expect, fear and dread hoovering, and then, at times, feel like you won’t survive if you don’t receive it.

Such is the when you are stuck in the throes of narcissistic abuse.

The horrible thing about the cycle of violence is that the abuse intensifies and the cycle becomes tighter and tighter and more frequent.

Unfortunately many people don’t realise true detachment with no emotional hooks, or energy, amazing true life.

Ultimately this is the best way to: a) stop feeding the narcissist, and allowing yourself to be a target to be hoovered, and b) be free of the obsession about whether or not any contact will occur, and c) not react in any shape or form if hoovering does happen.

The previously “totally remorseful” narcissist will switch to, “Who do you think you are for trying to have power and get the upper hand? Once the cycle of violence has erupted, pulling away and then returning means the cruelty will escalate to unthinkable levels.

I myself have experienced the return bouts as horrendous; they happened more and more frequently and violently.

It is at this time that the narcissistic cracks start opening wider as more fully blown narcissistic tendencies emerge.