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It’s a brain thing called “fight or flight,” and when we’re in it, we’re emotionally volatile.This leads us to relationship-messing-up behaviors like blowing up, yelling, blaming or trying to change our girlfriends. Or getting lost in endless, painful processing loops that never really solve the problem – all common (and completely avoidable) lesbian relationship problems.The 12-Week Roadmap Course covers this skill for singles; if you’re in a couple, get Conscious Girlfriend Coaching.Often women criticize their partners without even realizing it.
Find out how to “put your shoes on” emotionally by learning the skill to de-escalate your own triggers, dismantle the habitual stories you tell yourself, and communicate skillfully.
For those who don’t, the underlying cause is usually unhealthy emotional dynamics (see problems #2, 3, 4, 5, 6 and 7, above.) Now, if you never really had sparks, you may not be sexually compatible.
But if you had a strong sexual connection initially, sexual problems are almost always caused by what’s happening If sex is important to you, make sure you find a partner with whom you’re sexually compatible and have strong chemistry.
You may think you’re just being helpful, or just telling the truth.
But if it comes out as a criticism, you’re essentially pouring battery acid on your relationship.
(The #1 cause of relationship failure is “feeling criticized.”) If you’re tempted to criticize, it’s usually because you want something to be different – but criticizing is not an effective way to get what you want. Learn how to communicate skillfully about your feelings and needs, and make requests using intimacy-building language instead of criticizing.