Era dating
Despite the varied reactions, there was one clear takeaway: #Me Too has changed the conversation around power dynamics and consent in dating. He was extremely handsome and extremely smart, and we’d had a flirty vibe for a while. I was impressed by his eloquence — he had intelligent things to say about the role men should play in eliminating societal bias against women and also how to be a good partner.He asked me what I thought, made space for my point of view, and he paid the bill, which I thought was a nice gesture.Most of us know it’s messed up, however we know it’s been going on for so long that this should have been addressed sooner.It’s like complaining about the rain: it’s raining, we know it’s raining, why are you going to complain about it? I went out on a few first dates in the fall, and #Me Too came up pretty naturally in most of those conversations.
I wanted to talk about it because it’s something that’s in the news all the time, instead of talking about sports or the NBA All-Star Game, I’d bring it up, like, “Where’s your head at about this?And then #Me Too happened and I was like, I’m really glad I’m not dating right now because there’s no way I can’t ask a date what they thought about it.And if someone said, “I feel like this movement is going too far now,” I would lose my mind and try to get out of there as fast as I could. This is someone I have a long history with, we’ve been friends for years, and there have been additional benefits added to the friend plan in the last year.He told me about how the experience changed how he approaches dating and in particular, he now looks for really clear, verbal consent.I thought it was refreshing to see someone to get this honest with a near stranger, especially since it didn’t paint him in a very flattering light. But talking about the Aziz Ansari story, the fact that this situation is even associated with those issues — it’s not correct. Guys need to be more sensitive and women need to communicate when they want to shut it down.
The shadchan’s job has been made exceedingly difficult, she said, by a mysterious increase in the number of unmarried women within the Orthodox community.